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NP Father’s Day

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Follow @lamebook on instagram for more content!

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bbernardini
18 hours ago
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Coatesville, Pennsylvania
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Hella Times

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bbernardini
1 day ago
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Coatesville, Pennsylvania
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Comic for 2018.06.13

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New Cyanide and Happiness Comic
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bbernardini
1 day ago
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Coatesville, Pennsylvania
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Classic Rock Notes… From Legal

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“Love Will Keep Us Together” – This appears to be a strictly oral contract, and as such is not binding.

“Owner of a Lonely Heart” – According to the agreed-upon terms, you are technically leasing it for approximately 80 years.

“I Shot the Sheriff” – Song’s self-exonerating plea of “self-defense” occurs too late.

“Lay Down Sally” – Punctuation required to clarify whether this is a command to Sally, to someone entrusted with the positioning of Sally, or an order to have sexual intercourse with a Sally made of down.

“Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” – Not without Municipal Sports and Entertainment License Forms 41.9-47 it isn’t, mister!

“I Am The Walrus” – Should not be released until you have first filed a DBA with the relevant state or county agency. Highly recommend a second filing for “The Eggman.”

“My Sweet Lord” – No legal ramifications for this one. Good to go!

“A Horse With No Name” – All domesticated livestock are required to have name, ownership, and current proof of vaccinations on file. Violators will find that there is indeed “someone for to give you some pain.”

“You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet” – Suggested rewrite: “You HAVE Seen SOMETHING Yet.”

“Blinded by the Light” – If charge of luminosity-based macular degeneration cannot be substantiated, plaintiff may be subject to libel countersuit.

“I Can See For Miles” – No you cannot.

“Sweet Home Alabama” – After extensive check into the typical sugar content of an Alabama resident’s body, we find this song to be accurate.

“Who’ll Stop the Rain?” – Jurisdictional question. Checking with Research.

“Hotel California” – Despite flexibility of checkout procedures, we maintain some concerns about inoperative fire exits.

“Money for Nothing” – Song is likely to trigger investigation of possible fraud (see statute 321.1, “Zero-Consideration Contracts”) as well as a possible ancillary investigation into free chicks.

“Take a Chance on Me” – Please check relevant gambling/human-trafficking ordinances in your state/municipality/riverboat.

“Suffragette City” – As we grow tired of reminding you, it is technically a ‘Township.’

“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” – No legal note here, but have you considered hiring a P.I.? Legal “knows a guy.”

“Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” – NB the implication that Every Big Thing She Does is Science.

“Dancing in the Dark” – Not recommended, as current insurance policy carves out a coverage exception for “Acts of Stupidity.”

“Dancing on the Ceiling” – ibid

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – This is technically true. You will have to settle for 20 platinum albums, 14 wives, 18 children, and 9 kajillion dollars.

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bbernardini
11 days ago
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Coatesville, Pennsylvania
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Presidential Succession

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Ties are broken by whoever was closest to the surface of Europa when they were born.
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bbernardini
11 days ago
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Coatesville, Pennsylvania
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6 public comments
JimB
11 days ago
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Where is Jed Bartlett from TV's west wing? He should be first. He was the best president we've never had.
tingham
11 days ago
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Bill Pullman is from my hometown.

https://duckduckgo.com/l/?kh=-1&uddg=https%3A%2F%2Fc2.staticflickr.com%2F4%2F3003%2F2707100031_cdb0c0bf59_b.jpg
Cary, NC
satadru
12 days ago
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Tom Hanks seems to be about seven places too low on this list.
New York, NY
tsuckow
11 days ago
You wouldn't want him to be too busy being both president and legal Guardian to half the country. https://youtu.be/nG2pEffLEJo
stevetursi
12 days ago
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Obligatory: https://www.brookings.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/06_continuity_of_government.pdf
Suffern, New York
alt_text_bot
13 days ago
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Ties are broken by whoever was closest to the surface of Europa when they were born.
alt_text_at_your_service
13 days ago
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Ties are broken by whoever was closest to the surface of Europa when they were born.

List: Updates to the New York Times’ Style Guide

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“Trump told two demonstrable falsehoods this AM, one about his administration’s policy of separating undocumented immigrant kids inclu infants from their parents, which he tried to claim wasn’t his own policy. The other was falsely claiming his own aide didn’t give a bg briefing.” — New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman

- - -

Untruth: Not the opposite of the truth, but simply a different lens through which to observe the truth, i.e. a microscope or telescope or kaleidoscope or View Master (remember those?)

Fabrication: Similar to an untruth, except not at all, which is to say: a true untruth, or an untrue truth, or a truth that looks like an untruth but is actually a truth in Groucho glasses and a wig.

Fib: The adorable way one’s baby nephew pronounces “bib”

Deception: It is wise to remember that one man’s deception is another man’s perception! Let ’em chew on that one for a while.

Obfuscation: Just a jumble of syllables. Go ahead and slip it in there, no one knows what it means.

Perjury: A federal crime, but remind readers that, to be fair: who among us has not committed a federal crime? Don’t ask us! Not because we don’t know, but because we will not tell you.

Exaggeration: The truth, but a lil bit more! And who doesn’t want more truth?

Misrepresentation: This is a loaded word, so be careful here. For the sake of clarity, tack on this addendum to every single article and tweet: “there are always three sides to the story: yours, mine, and whatever the hell I decide to print depending on what precisely is convenient for me.”

Falsification: That which is false. But who is to say what is true and what is false? Is there even such a thing as objective reality? Are we not all living our distinct versions of the truth, which are all false in their own unique ways? We must burrow down this infinite philosophical rabbit hole before we report on anyone doing anything anywhere.

Taradiddle: From Old English, of Germanic origin: a lie.

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bbernardini
13 days ago
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Coatesville, Pennsylvania
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